True Mom Confessions
So, in the course of some good old-fashioned mindless web-searching, I came across this website. It is a place where moms can anonymously "confess" to any kinds of mommy secrets, and presumably discover that we are not alone, that someone out there most likely shares our secret.
Today I shall test this theory. Because I think it's a brilliant idea, and because I'm secretly addicted to making confessions (oh, the irony), I thought I'd share a few of my confessions with you.
We have family visiting this weekend. Does anyone else really feel so disgusted by their own inability to prepare for these kinds of events? Especially the impotence I feel in the face of the complete lack of cleanliness and organization that reigns in this household? I don't know, but it's pretty strong. I am having a hard time not drowning in self-loathing even though I know I shouldn't hold myself to the supermom standard. Since James was born, I just don't have a clean and tidy house, and I just can't learn to accept it.
I also always wish that visitors I haven't seen in awhile will be able to truthfully say, "Why, you've lost weight!" but so far, no dice.
Many of my friends who have kids James' age are either having their second child or seriously thinking about it. Me? I'm terrified at the thought of getting pregnant again in the foreseeable future, for many reasons. I loved being pregnant and creating a new life, and I love being a mommy. But it has stretched me to the limits of my endurance and there is NO WAY I can split myself in two to take care of two kids right now. (A *crunchy* friend of mine once said being a mother of more than one child is a daily challenge to "multiply your love instead of dividing it," but regardless of the equations involved, I simply CANNOT lose any MORE sleep at this point.)**
I don't really care if you think my kid looks like a girl. I know, he's just beautiful! But I do get tired when people correct me on that point, like, really? Are you SURE he's a boy? Um...yes, I'm reasonably certain that's not a cancerous growth that I see when I change his diaper there. Thanks for reminding me for the thousandth time this year that if we don't give my son a buzz cut and trim his eyelashes by his second birthday, he'll be socially ostracized for forever and become a freak of nature because HE'S NOT A MANLY ONE YEAR OLD! Seriously, stop with the girl thing. It's actually none of your business anyway.
When I let myself write a "deep and soul-searching" post, I somehow always go overboard. But I enjoy the whole self-expression thing. However, I shan't delude myself any further. I know you come for the pictures.
Tomorrow, more yummy toddler goodness, less existential yammering.
**Addendum: I just read Moxie's supremely timely subject of the day: Is there a best time to have a second child? This has to be the universe's proof to me that true mom confessions DO work to make you feel less alone in your dilemma.**